The Question On My Mind And The Rapture

The question on my mind this past week was whether it didn't seem like such a bad week to me because: a) I had just returned from vacation and actually felt like a human being, or b) it really wasn't such a bad week. I think a little of both. Cautiously, I predict the end of the ridiculous times at work for a while, which means a little more of the Lt. in your lives as we move towards the summer. Assuming, of course, that I can think of what to post about.

I can tell you that last year, when I returned from vacation, the peace lasted until around noon at my first day back at work, because by that point in my time at that place there was a person the mere sight of whom made my blood boil and made me want to grab the nearest hard object and start swinging it him. So as soon as I saw him, upon my return, all bets were off. There are aggravations in my current job, too, but nothing even within an order of magnitude of that in its acuteness. My peace lasted the first three days or so.

And this time, we won't wait a whole other year before taking another vacation.

On another note, it goes without saying, but the Lt. was not raptured on Saturday. I'm an atheist, but I didn't entirely dismiss the possibility, because truly: who can know the mind of God? I thought of a short story idea, though: God announces the rapture to a select few individuals and of course nobody believes them. The day comes and goes and nobody is raptured. It turns out this is because nobody can meet God's high standards - basically, we're all fucked. Even the "select few individuals," are just vessels for spreading God's word and not themselves raptured.

Alternatively, God announces on the airwaves, on Twitter, on everywhere that the Rapture is coming Saturday. He orders everyone to strip naked and prostrate themselves in the middle of a big field. The time comes and Independent Day-esque spaceships descend from the sky on a helpless, naked, prostrated humanity. Ha, ha! say our new alien overlords. Fooled you superstitious humans!

(There is, indeed, a good reason why I do not write short stories.)

WTF?

Jeez, Lt., what is the connection between these two threads in your post? you ask, assuming you are one of the stalwart few still reading. Oh, it's tenuous. Only that I feel like if God were to redesign Heaven, he might want to look at the resort my wife and I stayed at last week for some ideas. Because that's what Heaven is, right? Like a big vacation that doesn't end.

Have you ever seen those illustrations of Heaven from Jehovah's Witness literature? It's like everyone got dressed up and headed to a zoo without cages for a big picnic. Go ahead and tell me those are just symbolic representations, but I'm sorry, I don't believe it. I mean, there's no swim-up bar!

Humans: we really are such silly creatures.